Final treatment

In less than six hours I will have my final radiation treatment.  While this is the last time I visit "Big Grey", this is not the end of the process.  I figure I have about a month of recovery left before I am 100%.  In truth, I have some questions about what life will be like on the other side of radiation.

At this point, I have a pretty bad radiation burn on my side, of all places, and I am very tired.  I am also pretty cranky. (I don't know if that is a side effect of the radiation, or just my basic nature revealed!  I am kind of thinking it is the "real me", unfortunately)  Also, my thinking is not all that clear.  Concentration is down.  That makes it hard to write. 

However, I wanted to write this blog to be a journal of my journey through this process.  Even though the radiation treatments are over today, it is certainly not the end of the journey.  It is just the end of having daily trips to the cancer center to be shot with radiation.  It is the end of sitting in the waiting room in a pale blue three-holed gown, reading old magazines and waiting for my turn to go back for radiation.  It is the end of daily conversations with the great techs, who have helped me through this process.  It is the last time Mildred is going to park my car (On follow-up visits, I will park it myself, I think)

There are many things that have changed, or that I have learned, through this process.  Too many to go in to now, but here are a few thoughts.

First, this is a demanding process.  It may not have many side effects, but it is emotionally draining.  Lately, I am on the verge of tears pretty regularly.  And I am angry.  I can't exactly say what I am angry about, but I think that my first response to fear and feeling threatened is to be angry.  I am mad at being vulnerable to something that I never thought would be a part of my life.  I am also mad because this was so much "to do" over DCIS - a Stage 0, 3.75mm little thing that many don't even consider to be cancer.  I certainly didn't want a worse diagnosis, but it just feels like an awful lot of treatment for something that seems so insignificant.  (Do you think I am still in denial?  Maybe.)

HOWEVER, while I may not be impressed by the diagnosis, I can guarantee you I am impressed by the treatment!  By that, I mean that after running this gauntlet of radiation treatment, I feel that I am a full-fledged, card-carrying member of the Pink Ribbon Society!  I understand more about cancer treatment than I ever wanted to know, but I am glad that I understand it better.  I will have so much more compassion for those who have to go through this process.

I am tired.  I plan to blog later this afternoon after the treatment.  Many thanks to all of you who have supported me and prayed for me through this process.  I would ask that you don't stop yet!