Irony

Yesterday, after I had written about my initial response to being told I had cancer, it struck me how ironic is was that the title I had chosen for my blog was "Being Fully Present".  Months ago, when I chose that title, I wanted to be writing about living each moment fully.  To be FULLY present IN the Present.  My response to cancer was anything but "embracing the moment". 

So, I think it is a very good title, because that will always be my struggle - to show up in the here and now.  So often, I live in the world of future fears, or momentary distractions, or ruminations about the past.  But, what would it be like to spend most of my time really showing up for life.  What if I lived intentionally?  What if in every conversation, I was just with that particular person?  What if, when I drank a cup of coffee, I savored it?  What if I really smelled the wood burning in the fireplace, or ate my breakfast without reading my email at the same time?

Since I have been diagnosed, I have started reading a lot more about how to proactively address this disease.  One powerful thing that is recommended is to meditate.  Rather than focus on the broad spectrum of "types" of meditation, let me suggest that even the early saints referred to "meditatio" as a crucial part of allowing Scripture to really sink in.  I need a certain stillness in my soul if I am going to be "safe" enough to stay in the moment.

I am finding that I generally stay in a state of mild anxiety all the time.  My heart is on alert.  I am not calm.  The only way I know to change that state is to very intentionally take deep breaths, quiet my thoughts, anchor in Truth and/or lose myself in some good physical exercise.  If my body, soul and spirit are going to be at rest and capable of being fully present, I need all of the above in my life. 

I have already been quiet with the Lord and spent some focused time praying.  Right now, I am about to get up, turn on the Wii, and run around the Island for about 30 minutes.  I think that is a good way to start the day!