I understand that Elizabeth Edwards died yesterday of breast cancer. It was interesting how different my response was to that news now that I have entered the community of breast cancer survivors. In the past, I would have acknowledged it and felt nothing more than sadness for her family and relief for her from her pain. It was more of a news story than anything else.
As I read the posting on Facebook that told of her death, I had a much different reaction this time. I had a sense that we had lost someone in the community. A community of which I am now a part. While I am rather hesitant to embrace New Age images, I cannot help think of Avatar and the emphasis they put on the connectedness of things. In Avatar, it was focused on Nature, with people being a part of Nature. In reality, it is the PERSONAL first. The way God created us, it was from the outset for communion and connection. He is personal and relational in his essence. We were made to share in the joy of who He is.
In our culture, it is so easy to isolate. This is a personal issue for me. I am a very introverted person. I do not entrust myself easily to others. I admit I verge on paranoia when it comes to sharing anything on the internet. Case in point - I do not have my last name listed with this blog, no personal information and I have settings that keep it from being broadly available.
So, it has been a huge step for me to be willing to share my thoughts with you in this way. And yet, I am hearing back that others are appreciative of my sharing. I have opened up and connected. I have taken the risk of letting myself be known.
What has this got to do with Elizabeth Edwards? It is this - my life experience has given me a greater connection to her story. I feel the loss more now than I would have felt it two months ago. I have an identification with her. We have a shared experience.
I do believe that our sufferings connect us to others. As one of my dear friends said this morning, "I don't really need God when all is going well, but I do need Him when things are hard." In life, we need both the connection to God and the connection to others. Suffering can unite us, sharing can unite us and shared suffering can REALLY unite us.
Suffering forces our hand to connect. But, it is possible to choose connection. One more story:
Last year, at that annual Christmas party I mentioned previously, I was standing by the stove in the kitchen, catching up with my dear friend, Mary. We have been friends for over twenty years, but she doesn't live in town and I don't see her all that much. A few years ago, Mary had had a very tough struggle with breast cancer, but she had won. When I asked Mary how she was doing she said "I have been diagnosed with Stage four cancer. I have four tumors in my body." I immediately teared up. I was grieved and angry (anger seems to be my initial reaction to fear and suffering). As Mary told me more about her situation, I was especially grieved that I had not kept up with her so that I could have known this was happening.
That night, I made a commitment to make a greater effort to get in touch with the people I love. I will share more about that later, but my point is that we ARE connected to one another. We can be enriched by engaging in those connections, or we can be impoverished in our isolation, without even knowing that we are experiencing loss.
Elizabeth's death shows me that I am more connected now, than ever before, to others with breast cancer. I have a new "connector" to others, and it appears that it is producing many, many more connections to life than I ever could have imagined.
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